In a landmark moment for people who own aerospace shares, the UK government has confirmed its shiny new trade deal with the United States is finally going live. From today, British carmakers and jet engine manufacturers can ship more products across the Atlantic with fewer tariffs. For everyone else… well, enjoy your imported American beef and ethanol.
Prime Minister Keir Starmer described the agreement as “a win for British industry and a testament to grown-up diplomacy,” which, translated, means: “It’s the best we could get, please clap.”
Under the deal, tariffs on British cars heading to the US will drop from wallet-crushing to merely mildly painful, but only for the first 100,000 vehicles each year. Meanwhile, Rolls-Royce jet engines will now glide through US customs with fewer charges attached, in case you’re in the market for one.
“This will save businesses hundreds of millions and secure jobs across the country,” Starmer insisted, while quietly praying no one brings up steel, aluminium, or the state of the NHS during the next press conference.
Of course, there’s a catch. Several, in fact.
In exchange for the tariff relief, the UK has agreed to open its doors wider to American agricultural exports, including US beef and ethanol—on the condition they meet “British food safety standards,” which historically translates to: “We’ll cross that bridge when we’re all queuing at A&E with food poisoning.”
The National Farmers Union responded with something between horror and sarcasm. “It’s fantastic to know the government’s idea of levelling up involves levelling our entire industry,” said one spokesperson, clutching a pitchfork and muttering about chlorinated chicken.
Chemical industry reps were similarly enthusiastic. One anonymous exec said: “On the plus side, the increase in stress-related drinking is bound to boost ethanol demand, so swings and roundabouts, really.”
And just in case anyone thought this was the end of trade drama, talks on steel and aluminium tariffs are still ongoing. When asked for a timeframe, one government source described progress as “glacial but optimistic,” which roughly means: “Don’t hold your breath, but do keep sending hopeful emails.”
Meanwhile, the rest of British manufacturing continues to face new 10% tariffs from the US, part of President Trump’s ongoing commitment to treating international trade like a badly-run game show.
So to sum up: cheaper jets, slightly more affordable cars (if you’re one of the few actually exporting them), and a potential flood of budget beef and biofuel.
Everyone else? Keep calm and hope the next trade deal involves something you actually use.
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