Keir Starmer won a historic election last July, and within weeks managed to prove that “landslide” just means “everything’s downhill from here.”
It all began with a modest celebration — watching the exit poll with his family, staff, and apparently a ghost of Tony Blair looming in the background, because Keir couldn’t help but sulk that his majority wasn’t quite as big. “I’m hugely competitive,” he said, which explains why he’s been in a bare-knuckle fight with voter expectations ever since.
The early days were promising, in the same way a soggy sandwich is technically food. Labour finally returned to government after 14 years, but most of the new Cabinet were about as familiar with Downing Street as the average Deliveroo driver.
Enter Sue Gray: ex-civil servant, ex-investigator of Partygate, and now ex-chief of staff — having lasted all of five minutes before being yeeted out the side door when No. 10 realised she was reorganising everything, including who was allowed to have opinions.
Internally, things fell apart faster than a flat-pack bookshelf. Starmer’s big domestic strategy — “reassure everyone by doing nothing exciting” — didn’t exactly capture hearts. Means-testing the winter fuel allowance? Bold. In the same way poking a wasp’s nest is bold.
Then came riots in Southport, which gave Starmer a chance to channel his inner DPP — quick trials, harsh sentences, and a brief moment of public approval before it curdled into “Two-Tier Keir” accusations. Apparently, justice is blind but still knows who voted Reform.
Oh, and let’s not forget Freebiegate — the PM being scolded for freebies like sunglasses and concert tickets. Most of it was pre-election, but now he’s PM, people expect at least the illusion of dignity. “I followed the rules,” he said, missing the point that people think the rules are made of blancmange.
Internationally? Starmer found his feet. Flattered Trump, held hands with Europe, did his best “adult in the room” impression at NATO. A rare win — though if Trump combusts (a likely scenario), so might that whole strategy.
Back home, Labour lost a by-election to Reform UK. Not ideal. Especially when your own MPs are openly plotting to torch your welfare reforms while your strategy director’s writing memos about needing to be “more ruthless.” (Because nothing says steady leadership like an internal civil war before year two.)
So, here we are. Twelve months in, and the man who promised to restore trust in politics is wobbling under the weight of U-turns, internal rows, and vibes-only policymaking. The grown-ups are back in charge — but no one seems to know where they parked the car.
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