So the Met’s top copper, Sir Mark “More Forces Than The Jedi” Rowley, wants football clubs to start coughing up for the £70 million annual cost of policing matches. And you know what? He might actually be onto something.
After all, if you or I throw a party and invite 60,000 of our rowdiest mates, we’d expect to chip in for security—maybe hire Barry from down the pub in a hi-vis. But when football does it, apparently we all pay, even if we’ve spent the entire season ignoring the Premier League in favour of paint drying or League Two.
Sir Mark reckons the clubs—those plucky grassroots outfits scraping by on £500k-a-week strikers and half a billion in TV rights—should stop relying on local bobbies to mop up their mess and start footing the bill themselves. Shock, horror.
Of course, this caused a fainting fit across football boardrooms. “Won’t someone think of the shareholders?” they cried, in between checking the crypto markets and inflating the price of a lukewarm pie to twelve quid.
The usual pearl-clutchers insist it’ll ruin the sport. Smaller clubs might suffer. Ticket prices might go up. Though frankly, if you’ve already remortgaged your house for a seat at Anfield, what’s another tenner?
Meanwhile, Sir Mark’s broader plan involves hacking 43 police forces down to 12 or so, like he’s trying to streamline Britain into one massive episode of Line of Duty. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Will it help? Unclear. But at least he’s trying something, which is more than can be said for most of the defending at West Ham lately.
So, should football clubs pay for their own policing? Probably. Will they? Not without a 12-page legal briefing, three sponsorship deals, and a charity livestream. Until then, enjoy your Saturday fixtures—with riot vans provided, as ever, by the taxpayer.
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