LONDON – The BBC has issued what industry insiders describe as a “classic post-event panic statement” after accidentally airing a Glastonbury performance that, predictably, did not resemble a Sunday school assembly.
The trouble began during a live stream of punk-rap duo Bob Vylan, whose lead singer – seemingly under the impression that microphones work – decided to share some politically-charged views on Israel’s military. The crowd, predictably at a music festival, responded with enthusiasm. The BBC, predictably back at HQ, responded with horror.
“We regret not pulling the stream,” said a BBC spokesperson, after roughly 48 hours of phone calls from regulators, government ministers, and at least one furious person in Tunbridge Wells. “In hindsight, we’d have preferred something safer… like footage of drying paint.”
Broadcast watchdog Ofcom has since asked the BBC to explain why anyone thought live-streaming a politically outspoken punk act was going to be a risk-free corporate afternoon.
In a statement, Glastonbury organisers—keen to remind everyone they are peace-loving but also business-minded—said they were “appalled” by the comments, and that the band had “crossed a line,” though they were unable to clarify exactly which line, given the general vibe of the festival often being “lines optional.”
Meanwhile, Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer weighed in to declare the remarks “hate speech,” marking the first time in months that he and the Culture Secretary have agreed on anything outside of canapés at press events.
For their part, Bob Vylan responded with the measured PR strategy of posting “I said what I said” on Instagram, alongside a longer piece defending the right of artists to… well… say things.
The BBC, already suffering a mild case of reputational heatstroke after a string of previous live-event disasters, now says it will “review guidelines for live music coverage”—which industry experts believe is code for “cancel anything unpredictable and stick to Coldplay.”
The BBC has confirmed that the set won’t appear on iPlayer, though experts say it’s still circulating in WhatsApp groups faster than the BBC can issue regrets.
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