In a turn of events that’s either a bold new era for football or the latest sign of late-stage capitalism’s descent into parody, rapper-turned-lifestyle-guru Snoop Dogg has been unveiled as a co-owner of Swansea City AFC — yes, that Swansea. The one in Wales. The one with the rain, the roundabouts, and the faint whiff of despair every time you miss promotion.
The 53-year-old West Coast icon, known to his mum as Calvin Broadus, was rolled out as the face of the Swans’ new home kit last weekend, presumably because who wouldn’t want their shirt modelled by a man whose CV includes gangsta rap, a cooking show with Martha Stewart, and a brief stint as a reggae artist called Snoop Lion?
“My love of football is well known,” he declared, without a trace of irony, before calling the city “an underdog that bites back, just like me.” Quite. One imagines Snoop’s experience with underdogs is mostly limited to betting slips and the occasional half-time hot dog, but let’s not nitpick.
This surprising footballing ménage à trois has been orchestrated by Swansea’s American owners Brett Cravatt and Jason Cohen, the kind of business types who think ‘community engagement’ means getting retweets from celebrities. Already joined by midfield metronome and one-man Croatia Luka Modrić (also a part-owner, and now playing at AC Milan for reasons unclear to even himself), they’ve now added some West Coast flavour to their increasingly bewildering boardroom.
A mural of Snoop has even been slapped onto the stadium’s West Stand, presumably to frighten the pigeons and confuse your nan. It’s unclear whether he’ll be attending matches regularly, or simply FaceTiming in from his cannabis greenhouse in Long Beach between appearances on Just Eat ads.
Still, the club insists this isn’t just another PR stunt. No, this is the next episode (yes, they actually said that), as Swansea attempts to “boost its global profile” — a noble goal, albeit one slightly at odds with being stuck in the mid-table malaise of the EFL Championship.
In fairness, if you’re going to spend your way out of football purgatory, better to do it with a rapper than a hedge fund. At least this one can keep rhythm.
Will Snoop be spotted in a puffer jacket on a cold Tuesday night in Rotherham? Unlikely. Will this all end in confusion, mid-table finishes, and a Netflix docuseries? Almost certainly. But until then, Swansea fans can at least enjoy the novelty of being the only club in Britain whose owners include a Ballon d’Or nominee and a man who once released a song called “Sexual Eruption”.
Football. Bloody hell.
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