Chelsea endure five-hour match, six delays, and zero actual rain in FIFA’s latest scheduling masterclass
CHARLOTTE, USA – Fans at Bank of America Stadium were treated to a thrilling evening of football on Saturday, featuring all the things they love most about the sport: long delays, confusing announcements, and absolutely no actual rain.
Chelsea’s clash with Benfica was delayed by lightning warnings despite skies that remained as dry as FIFA’s sense of scheduling logic. After two hours of sitting around and several rounds of “please leave the seating area for your own safety,” the players finally returned to the pitch and played what felt like three different matches compressed into one. Chelsea eventually won 4-1 in extra time, though by that point even the most loyal fans were wondering if the result would be settled by coin toss or sunrise.
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Lightning Strikes… Somewhere
This was the sixth weather-related interruption of the tournament so far, prompting Chelsea coach Enzo Maresca to politely suggest that “maybe hosting this event in a place prone to lightning and furnace-level heat was, in hindsight, a bad idea.”
Maresca went on to imply that the US was possibly “not the ideal location” for a global football tournament—though in fairness, FIFA’s selection process seems to involve little more than spinning a globe while blindfolded and shouting “That’ll do!”
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Heatstroke & Prime-Time TV
Temperatures have hovered around 100°F (or “Are You Mad?” Celsius) at several venues, thanks to matches being scheduled at times that suit European television audiences and absolutely no one standing pitch-side in North Carolina.
Several matches have been delayed for heat, others for storms, and a few simply because Mother Nature saw FIFA’s calendar and decided to have a laugh.
After the latest saga, Chelsea’s Reece James said the multiple delays were “quite disruptive,” which is footballer-speak for “This is stupid, but I’m being diplomatic because microphones are near my face.”
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Dry Run… Emphasis on Dry
The whole tournament has been billed as a “test event” for next year’s 48-team World Cup, also being hosted across the US, Canada, and Mexico—raising fresh concerns about how FIFA plans to stage matches while fighting off heatstroke, lightning, and whatever other natural disasters decide to RSVP.
With pitch conditions, scheduling chaos, and emergency weather protocols that seem to involve asking Siri for advice, fans are now left wondering whether next summer’s main event will feature more football… or more waiting.
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FIFA could not be reached for comment, presumably because their spokesperson was still stuck in the stadium car park trying to outrun a theoretical lightning bolt.
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